What Happened As We Got Older

I suddenly remember how when I was just a young boy, going out and suddenly seeing a friend I know, I just shouted from across the room or across the aisle or across the street and started waving frantically with a big smile on my face. Not a care who's watching or judging, it was pure and simple and authentic.

What happened? How am I now the one that couldn't care less if I do see an old friend from afar. Sometimes I even go to the extent of avoiding that person just so that I don't have to smile or say hi. When did a simple and pure greeting become awkward and discouraged?

This has been a great awareness for me, like a wake up call. Next time, be more conscious and choose.

Human Nature Can Be Man's Greatest Folly

I'm now looking deeper into myself at the level that I am operating in. I feel that with a mistake there should be a consequence that follows; if not for that person who committed the mistake, then at least for everyone else to see.

I will be judged no matter what. But more importantly is how I see myself or how I view how I am being judged, or just the fact that I think I will be judged as the leader with every decision I make. My vision is so clouded situations like these. There's no right or wrong and yet it's more comfortable to have the right and the wrong in place. Human nature sometimes can be man's greatest folly?

Awareness Before Emotions

My brother got me impatient just now by wanting to do something in a certain way and wanting me to do it instead of him doing it himself, which got me shouting with emotion. Although I rarely do that now, I didn't like it when I did it. Then I began to put myself in his shoes and figure out why he wanted it that way. And when I got the answer, I could empathize and began to understand more. But it's just in that moment in time the emotions came up first instead of the awareness.

I got a crossfit competition tomorrow on this crossfit even though it's not a big deal at all, I still feel the nerves. I realized no matter what it is, as long as it's competitive or if there's some sort of stake involved, I get nervous easily. Over the years I would say these nerves have gotten better at handling pressure but I still have a long way to go to not let it bother me physically. Now I'm feeling slightly weak in the knees just thinking about the whole thing tomorrow.

Don't Forget To Align

I had an alignment with the restaurant managers yesterday. Something I have neglected without awareness for the past six months. It's always good to have alignment that is with high energy and strong intention. I came out of there feeling great just because I did it and everyone is now aligned.

At the same time I also continue to wonder if my words are the best words and the right words that they can understand. I realised also that when my words don't flow I'm no longer speaking with my heart but from my head. And sometimes it's too late to change as the moment has passed. More practice to speak with my heart so that I would get it right the first time.

Exercise Is Always Good

I'm continuing to practise with chewing slower. Slow is fast. I'm enjoying my food more. I can taste them better now. It's like tuning in to the environment but this is tuning in with the tongue. Fantastic.

My sinus was really acting up yesterday and it was challenging to stop myself sneezing every other minute when I'm around people. But I won't allow that to stop me from going about normally, going into meetings and appointments. Just by taking awareness out of that itchy nose helped. And to continue with high energy when meeting people rather than feeling the discomfort. 

And after a normal exercise session in the evening, it was completely gone. I still don't understand what this means, but I guess exercise is always good.

Eat To Heart's Content

Today is the remembrance anniversary for my grandma. A lot of food were cooked in the morning as usual. So there was a lot of food for lunch and dinner.

I had a lot of appreciation for the food during lunch and I took my time chewing them. 

And when I had dinner, sitting by myself in front of a great spread I suddenly had a deeper sense of appreciation for it. I was very hungry before that and to be able to eat to my heart's content (not my body's) brought a great sense of satisfaction and abundance. For the first time I appreciated the food at this level, I was deeply moved and touched and felt truly blessed to be able to live in such abundance when other parts of the world are struggling to get by. And I believe this was because of all the months of practising appreciation for food, to choose to chew slower and more and take my time. 

I also appreciate for being able to feel what I felt because it certainly doesn't happen everyday and it's great to have felt that kind of feeling.

All Will Be Well

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a bad headache on my right temple. It was quite bad because I couldn't lay down or that would be worse. And when in such pain and discomfort I realised I lost all conscious awareness and just sat there dwelling on the pain, waiting for the aspirin to kick in.

At that time u began to think about the lack of sleep the next day, or whether the pain would go away this time, or how long before I can sleep again. None of these thoughts helped but I wasn't aware of the thoughts.

And when I woke this morning, I took a bit if time to appreciate that it is another brand new day. The sun is out. The pain is gone. I'm back to my self again.

All will be well. Always. That's one thing that I can have more faith in.