The Negative Energy Of 'Want'

I'm still feeling the power of CV 8 and 9. I have also learned to check my energy at a different level whereby it felt like my energy automatically rises back up when I was able to remind myself. So I shifted very quickly. Such a powerful tool that I have finally learned and I'm very grateful for it.

I had a big lesson about "want" yesterday. I "wanted" the FFXIV collector's edition and went to a store that told me it never came in. The unaware staff gave me their supplier's phone number in Singapore. Because I wanted it bad, I called immediately without thinking. They probably weren't a store but a distributor centre because they got suspicious and asked who I was. While caught up in the energy of "want", I was blinded and lied that I was a staff from the store. 

After all the lying and covering up my ass, and probably unsuccessful too, I felt something inside me stirring. And I realised I was disgusted with myself for falling so far down. It hurt me badly and it felt like I never wanted to feel that way again. I immediately let that "want" energy go. 

And I was able to think back to some of the moments that I "wanted" things. Even when times I was "wanting" for others to join CV and the energy with which I was sharing that left me drained. But so far, the sharing I have done with a few people this week did not left me drained because I didn't come from a place of "want". I was just sharing and was at peace with whatever the outcome was. 

It has definitely been a great week of learning. And to have just come back from classes really accelerate my learning too. Feels awesome!

Not Lucky, But Not Unlucky, Life Patterns

It took me one whole day before I began to realise that the free ticket I "won" was the same ticket that's part of the buy-one-free-one deal. So I wasn't lucky to have won an extra free ticket which to me was like winning a lucky draw prize. But I was also lucky to have been part of the buy-on-free-one deal which was given to only the first 50 customers.

I realized that there were some life patterns involved. My brother's life pattern (and also a couple of close friends in my life) is that he doesn't give details when giving instructions and just assume that everything will fall into place in the end. My life pattern is that I assume I know the detail already and not ask for it. So when these two life patterns come together, miscommunication and misunderstanding arises. What I can do is to be aware of this pattern and break it every time it arises. 

Yesterday everyone in the office came in more well-dressed than usual. One thing I realized about myself was that I almost not follow through with the initial idea of putting on a jacket because the weather was so hot. But I reminded myself that as a leader I have to show up as my best. What's a little heat if I could be seen as walking the talk? It's most important that I came in looking what I meant and not appear to trivialize the situation.

Lucky

I have never won a lucky draw grand prize before. Yesterday because my brother used my credit card to purchase our tickets, my credit card won another free ticket. This felt like the grand prize at a lucky draw. And is probably why I didn't know how to react or had any reaction when I got the call from the bank. I could say that it technically wasn't my doing to win the ticket but I'm just going to really appreciate that I had luck on my side and be thankful that I have a free trip, to a place I enjoy going, even if it's just across the pond to Singapore.

The last few days have been quite peaceful amidst all the crazy traffic on the roads as people prepare for the celebration. Peaceful in my mind and heart. I have been aware of my own energy checks and frown less and smile more. I have been more patient and more good natured.

And today is the day that I've asked people in the office to come dressed up in the spirit of the celebration. It will be the first step to having more of these dress-up days in the office. And I will bring my best energy today to join in the fun. To be aware, to be the creator of moments and to own moments of my best self.

Go Back To Intention

Go back to intention.

Over the weekend I've had plenty of reminders about going back to the intention.

A passage from Jewel's biography, about her fame when young, but it was her mother that reminded her to recall what her intention was, which wasn't for fame.

And I was fortunate to have a newbie at toastmaster assigned to me who is just as Tan, and I was guiding him on his speech about intention and purpose.

Going back to the intention isn't something that I remind myself enough, I feel. So with the start of a new week, I shall focus on intention in everything I do. To remember to go to my higher self and find that higher purpose so as to invest my life energy to the fullest.

Checking Myself Internally

It's been a couple of great days as I live in the present and also in awareness.

I remembered to remind myself to check my energy before the few meetings I've had in the last two days. And even in the meetings, I found myself checking my energy and checking where I was at and if I could be even more present.

It has truly been an enlightening journey since I got back from the Chiang Mai. And I plan to continue that way. My commitment to myself is still strong.