If I Can't Change It, I Have To Let It Go

I had a terribly stressed out day yesterday at work till I got a headache. The stress came from being so focused on looking for that breakthrough in a situation, that I was doing everything I could and figuring out all kinds of solution to solve one problem.

I did stop and think about how I ought to relax when there's nothing I could do to improve the situation but the waiting parts kept me uneasy nonetheless. The insecure that I can't meet the deadline was the main cause for the stress. But still, I need to practise more to breathe and let go of all the negative thoughts when I've done all I could and there's nothing else I could do.

One thing that I regretted was that I wasn't careful enough earlier on that could potentially reduce the amount of stress. But this is also me holding on to something that I can't change. And when I can't change, I have to let go. Or I'll just stress myself out.

Today I was reminded that if my intention for an action wasn't clear enough, I'll end up confusing myself when I got to a destination. Not knowing what to do became time and opportunity wasted. I sort of put this out as a test because on my way there I already know my intention for going wasn't clear, and yet I thought I just go and see what happens. Sure enough, I was distracted and lost. But good thing was this wasn't anything significant. And I feel I was able to learn from this real life experience of loss in opportunity, and hope I don't repeat this in something that's more significant.

The Sad Reality Of The Unawares

I'm appreciative of having gone through the CV process. Now listening to another violet leader and speaker speaking about self-awareness, intentionality and commitment, I have a deeper appreciation for the whole speech; down to the way the speech was done in front of 800 people. My awareness level definitely is very much different now than it was before, and the awareness behind the awareness is that I'm appreciative of who I have become through this whole CV process. I am now a better and more enlightened leader and person and I'm very much happy about it.

The Great Wall touched me deeply. Climbing up step by step was really not easy. Imagine those people who had to build it. As I ran my hand passed each block of stone it was almost as if I could feel all the struggles the slaves had to endure because I was hung up on the many thousands that have died for the preservation of the country from invaders. It certainly reminded me of the terracotta warriors once again.

I began to let go of my own feelings and ego and started to appreciate the environment, the nature, the greens that surrounded us with the blue sky above. The air was drier and thinner up there. But we're so much closer to the sky.

Then there were those writings of names and dates on the blocks of stones by people who wanted to have their names permanently etched on the Great Wall. Again an act of ego that went in to destroy the natural beauty of things. The sad reality of the unawares.

I Judge Others, I Judge Myself

Lately I am thinking about how I see myself approving of other peoples action. When its something that I'm judging others, it translates to how I judge myself. The more I care about how others live their life, the more harsher I judge myself. I realise that if I dislike something, it means that when that happens to me I would dislike myself even more. There are things that I could learn to let go. And in turn I can love myself even more and have peace within me.

I noticed that when trying to prove a point, an enlightened leader would be one who argues on the main intention. Many times when I am challenged I would get sucked into the argument for argument's sake and lose sight of what the argument or discussion was really about. This happens when emotions come in. A cool and calm head is required and its something to keep reminding myself of.

I became aware of how my momentum with work often times get interrupted by all the traveling I'm doing and I have to start from scratch when I return. Now I have to learn to either let the starting process be shorter or not let the traveling interrupt the momentum.

Beijing is a place with incredible architecture. It is a city that has really evolved. But unlike Shanghai, at least there are still buildings with traditions intact but more and more as they bring in foreign architects the essence of the culture is potentially lost.

The government has imposed a fine for jay walkers in this city just to educate its people. It shows where the people are at when it comes to road awareness.

Today my intention is to feel the bricks that made up of the great wall as I visit it later. To understand and look briefly into the past of this wonder of the world.

Shifting As A Choice

I was rushing out after lunch today and realised that my socks were being instructed by my mom to the maid to be washed because i left it on the floor, which I have been doing for the past few years but today she saw it differently. And I just took it out this morning so it was barely time for wash. And times like these are times when I get frustrated most easily. I can laugh it at now but at that moment I sweat a few more droplets. But being more aware now, I also saw that I could either sit on this feeling or shift it out. And the choice was clearly there. Even though if I have to do it a few times but still, the choice was there, amazingly. Shifting has become more and more obvious to me now and I'm starting to understand how it's done.

I'm sure I still have a long way to go but I appreciate the fact that I have come a long way already. More to come.

Be Aware And Appreciate Life

Over the weekend,

I had quite an out of body experience. I was driving in the rain and in a curve, i felt the tires losing grip with the ground. I half expected the car to slide off the road and bang into the side railings. Suddenly I felt my presence was being brought 100% back into the present and I was very aware of everything around me as I half prepared myself for collision. I could have been hurt badly but it wasn't to happen on that day as the car came back into my control.

I've been enjoying the rain, the cooling weather. But I also have to respect it and be careful and be aware of the force of nature.

I saw the movie Gatsby and really appreciate what the director was attempting to make the audience feel. It was a sad ending and I realised I could live in that mood or shift and get out of it. I felt the control over my emotions and found this very different. Because with awareness and the awareness of shifting energy, this is clearly very possible and I saw that I could shift there and then.

It has been raining but on Sunday it was clear skies. Amal has arranged white tents to be set up on the Empire Hotel beach and held a gathering for her classmates and the newer students. It was such an amazingly beautiful environment created with many desserts. I found myself appreciating every moment, not rushing to do anything but just use my feelings to feel whatever I wanted to do. I appreciated the present, the beauty, the company and the music while we appreciated the environment, the sand, the deep blue water and the clear blue sky. What a perfect Sunday.

Letting Go And Just Let It Be

Two big awareness for me today. One is that when I didn't say no to others and had to follow through, my mind would start nagging at me and start to project a lot of negativity into the future. Just now was probably the first time I was aware of how negative my mind can get when it feels like it's been forced to do something against its will. Why not just carry on forward, let go of the feeling, and live in the moment. It took a lot of being present to do just that while I went through the process of the action just now.

The other one was that when out of the blue I was told between 7 and 11 pm there will be heavy rain, I almost cancelled my plans to be out. Only to find that it was actually not such a bad thunderstorm that warranted a warning. But because something out of the ordinary came along, I started worrying about how bad it could have gotten and instead of just letting it be. Whatever comes will come. This after all is Brunei, no weather will ever be that bad.

Funny how things turned out the way it did tonight. But in the end, I was still alright. In the past, I don't think tonight would have ended on such a positive note. I have changed. I have let go of a lot of my thoughts. And I really appreciate myself for it.

Learn And Move Forward

For the first time, I actually forgot an appointment and made some people waited for me for an hour! I was so ashamed and felt so bad that I didn't know what to say because I knew anything I said wouldn't be good enough. My intention now is to learn from this mistake and move forward as a better person and not let it happen again.

Today my intention is to live life to the fullest, not to squander life energy and to be a contributor to my environment.

It's another beautiful but hot day here in Brunei. I will move slower and not rush.

I Am A Source Of Energy

Going from meeting to meeting, meeting up with different people, if I don't get myself out of my thoughts I'll be bringing the previous energy into the new one. Without doing an energy check, without being aware, I was not able to be the source of energy for others.

So when I went in to meet some people with my thoughts still stuck in a previous situation, my energy was just so-so. And no surprise here, the energy that I get back was also so-so. It's always a mirror effect. And I also felt it was the other party that was attempting to lift up my energy. I became the taker while they were the giver in that meeting. 

I am a source of energy. If I am not aware, then I'm not adding any value to other people. So before the next meeting, I was able to do an energy check and life myself out of my own thoughts and contribute in a more positive way.

A Perfect Lazy Sunday Morning

I woke up today to a cloudy sky. And the wind blowing a cool breeze as I opened the window. It was so refreshing and I'm just so grateful for that moment to be at such peace and tranquillity. It was the perfect lazy Sunday morning to relax without a 9 to 5.

And as they say the best things in life are free. After lunch I sat at the table with my parents enjoying a cup of tea which I don't usually do. I appreciate that moment once more as we just sat there enjoying each other's company and did nothing but chat.

Don't Limit My Smiles

Last weekend I became aware that when I'm involved in an activity at someone else's premise I become a friendlier being to the staff of that establishment. I become extra courteous with more smiles and a better overall attitude.

This was what happened when I was invited to participate in a Lego exhibition at Gloria Jean's celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th. Gloria Jean's became a partner and I showed up as my best.

Now why should I limit myself to events like these? I know it will take practice but I commit to practise to be a better, more courteous, friendlier self that can bring smiles to others through my own smiles.

Feedback As Contribution

Giving feedback is also a form of contribution. After attending a training session and when the coordinators were asking for feedback, I realise it wasn't difficult to give feedback as there is always something to contribute in such a forum. To not have anything to say would mean no awareness throughout the day. I especially be come more aware about this as I was specially invited to attend this by the good people of KFC Singapore. I am more conscious about not being a freeloader and be more present about my energy and contribution to group activities.

Nathan Sawaya

I set my intention today before going to visit an exhibition at the arts and science museum in Singapore to again not be a tourist and only take.

This was an art exhibition where every piece was done with Lego pieces by a lawyer turned artist Nathan Sawaya.

Getting to know him was so easy as every piece came with a little excerpt and his own thoughts about human nature.

He is a guy who seemed to have a high level of awareness and living the violet way. I felt that he is very relatable. He did a piece about mask and uses almost the same words that was used in class. Reading his words is like reading my notes.

There were many times throughout the exhibition where I was able to bring myself back to awareness and remind myself to be in the present. I wasn't snapping away with my camera as I began to feel my environment with not just my eyes. I felt this whole experience was a much better one than the ones I used to have without awareness and presence.

No Right Or Wrong, Only High And Low

Went to a travel fair expecting to save over $200 from 2 tickets but only managed to get one. And total savings was less than $10. I first saw it as 2 hours wasted but there must be a lesson there somewhere that I haven't learned. I thought back to what I had done throughout the whole process and realised that I had done all I can with the most positive attitude and I am happy with my "life performance".

Catching up with someone who I don't usually do and talking about learning and awareness always brings more to my attention. I am grateful for the invitation to lunch and for the willingness to connect. A lot of awareness came out between us two Tan people, about comparisons and how that stems from being stuck in the mind. And there is no right or wrong in life, only higher and lower levels of being.

Nothing I Had On Was Bought Locally

I looked at what I wore this morning and I had a big realisation. My shoes were bought from South Korea. My watch was from Macau. My shirt was from Hong Kong. My belt was from Dubai. Even my underwear was from Malaysia. Nothing I had on was bought in Brunei.

And I suddenly felt that I was really blessed to be living this life I'm living. I have a new found gratitude for being able to travel and buy things from all over the world. I'm really lucky. And I really appreciate all that I have.

I Am Where I Want To Be

Today seemed to be a day of catching up with really old friends, friends from secondary schools and university.

And we touched on the topic of office environment and bosses. And I realised that I am blessed with great office environment that places trust and fairness above preferential treatments and gossips. I am also blessed with being the one who is aware enough to be leading the company in the direction which I feel has the highest level in positivity rather than productivity.

I'm thankful that I am in the position that I am in right now, the environment that I am in right now, with the people I am with right now. I am where I want to be and doing what I feel is right, I am just grateful to be, period.